So, I have huge cans (pictured). I've had massive breasts since high school, so they're not that big of a deal to me anymore. But I've also heard every dumbass thing that could possibly be said about them. For some reason, dudes -- from my friends to the sandwich artist assembling my cold-cut trio -- feel like my melons are up for public discussion.

Look, treat huge boobs the same way you would any other freakish body anomaly -- like a unibrow or a club foot. If a chick walking by your construction site had one of those, you probably wouldn't think it was appropriate to call it out, would you? So please. Refrain from the following comments on my funbags.